we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
