Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize