Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
