im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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