Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
