I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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