i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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