i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
