Who did Billy Mays play for?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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