Got a toothbrush?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
