he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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