My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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