I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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