TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
