Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
