ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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