And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
These tits shall not be calmed
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
