is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
