The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
