There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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