you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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