so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
