It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
