called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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