Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
