I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
