"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
