Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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