I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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