you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
