just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
