White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
