Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize