fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
