we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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