I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
