just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
