FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
