my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
