There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
