Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
