How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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