I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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