I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
