Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
