You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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