He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
