yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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