How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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