i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
