i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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