chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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