I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize