I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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