I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize