Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just found a bag of teeth...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
