Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I fill condoms, not promises.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Never joke about your clitoris.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
