I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize