Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
