Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
