i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize