Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
