stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I need water and some morals
Randomize
