Betty ford says i'm here all night
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
