dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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