if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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