Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
