i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
