I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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