He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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