You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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