Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
