her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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