He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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