Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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