oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
