ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
