He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
