I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
