I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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