The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
