Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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