we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
