Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
