i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
