he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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