so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
