my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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