It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize