He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
