Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
