If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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