It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
