he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize