im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
